Some One Liners

1. "I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap." 

2. "I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War my great uncle fought for the west!" 

3. "My father was stupid. He worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens." 

4. "When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father...I'm very sorry. We did everything we could...but he pulled through." 

5. "My mother had morning sickness after I was born." 

6. "My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend." 

7. "My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet." 

8. "When I  played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up." 

9. "I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio." 

10. "Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt because he leaves a pyramid in every room."

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Some More One Liners

1. "What a dog I got.  His favorite bone is in my arm!"

2. "I worked in a pet store and people kept asking how big I'd get."

3. "One year they wanted to make me poster boy.. for birth control."

4. "I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father.  He said he wanted more proof."

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