1. "What a dog I got. His favorite bone is in my arm!"
2. "I worked in a pet store and people kept asking how big I'd get."
3. "One year they wanted to make me poster boy.. for birth control."
4. "I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof."
5. "My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting on his lap. He was in the electric chair."
6. "I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing."
7. "I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning."
8. "Once when I was lost I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, 'Do you think we'll ever find them?' He said, 'I don't know kid, there are so many places they can hide."
9. "I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor... so they sent a priest up to talk to me. He said, 'On your marks...'"
10. "On Halloween the parents send their kids out looking like me. Last year one kid tried to rip my face off! Now it's different.. when I answer the door the kids hand me candy."