1. "When my old man wanted sex... my mother would show him a picture of me."
2. "I had a lot of pimples too. One day I fell asleep in a library. I woke up and a blind man was reading my face."
3. "My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday"
4. "One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!"
5. "It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips..yet she won't drink from my glass!"
6. "Last week my tie caught on fire. Some guy tried to put it out with an ax!"
7. "For two hours...some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper."
8. "I met the surgeon general. He offered me a cigarette!"
9. "This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the Fruit of the Loom guys laughing at me."
10. "A travel agent offered me a 21 day special. He told me I would fly from New York to London. Then from Tokyo back to New York. I asked him...how am I supposed to get from London to Tokyo?...He told me..That is why we give you 21 days."